mom's lesson #11

Hey kids (I'm talking to you, Mia),

always start your day with a healthy breakfast.

I'm totally cool with these choices.

 Cheerios are good and bananas are great!

 Please rethink these options.  They are not breakfast foods.

mom's lesson #10

When it comes to vaseline, a little goes a long way.

This image is from Vaseline company archives
of various published materials.

"While Vaseline can be used as a lubricant, it is also a useful moisture insulator for local skin conditions characterized by tissue dehydration."

If you are having trouble knowing when or how to use vaseline, I would be more than happy to help you out!  After all, what's a mom for?

mom's lesson #9

Always use your own toothbrush.

If you cannot locate your own toothbrush, just ask for help!  I would be delighted to turn on my "mom" compass and help you out.  Under no circumstances do I want you using mine (Quinny)!  I am willing to share many things, but this is not one of them!

mom's lesson #8

If you feel the need to whisper because I am in the room, you should probably think about what you are conniving and not do it.

This mostly happens when neighbor kids are around, so in an effort to protect the not-so-innocent, I am not including any of the other fellow whisperers in the photo or what may or may not have happened.  However, even as I write this, I hear the hushed tones of plotting going on behind me.

mom's lesson #7

Always turn off the water and unplug the drain when you are finished in the bathroom.

Quinny, you are very lucky we have not yet put in the new carpet.

mom's lesson #6

A plunger is not a toy.

I guess, as the saying goes, desperate times call for desperate measures.  Quinny has very little to play with these days, but when I found this in the hall, I found myself yelling lesson #6 - a phrase I never would have guessed would come out of my mouth.  This was close by...

I'm totally cool with the flipped over laundry basket for a toy.  What kid doesn't want to play with that?

I'm a little upset with this lady and her trusty amigos...

Dora and her friends were supposed to be babysitting during the plunger incident.  Look at her acting all innocent.  When I found Q she was on the bed with a sly grin.

She probably knew that I was going to find this...

...as soon as I went downstairs.  And so the night went on and on and on......

mom's lesson #5

Don't open an umbrella in the car while I'm driving.

I don't like it and I can't see.  Besides, it's not raining.

mom's lesson #4

Don't eat sweet muffins in my bed.

Yes, Robert, I said sweet muffins.

At the counter?

 In my bed?  Let's just say any bed!

I asked Haley if she let Q eat sweet muffins in my bed.  She said, "I cleaned it up.  She was fast."

mom's lesson #3

Don't freeze carrot cookies.

They will turn into a travesty of a cookie.

Trust me.  You won't like the transformation.

mom's lesson #2

Replace the toilet paper roll.

When you are done doing your business, please be kind and replace the roll.  This is what I found in two different bathrooms this morning.

It is always better to find this!!  Thank you in advance to adhering to this lesson.

mom's lesson #1

Always lift the toilet lid before you pee.

This is bad.

 This is how you will feel.

 It is not good.

 You won't like it.

This is good!

 This is how you will feel!

 This is how I will feel!

We are all winners!

**I'm sorry you had to learn the hard way today, Mia.**